Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize