Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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