hotel room ftw
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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