12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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