I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
