Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
