If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
