I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
