I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize