i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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