I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
so much tequila, so little girl.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
