I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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