I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
