So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
