I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
