It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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