you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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