i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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