im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
