I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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