No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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