normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
