I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
