yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
