saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
