Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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