Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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