I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize