Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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