Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
