Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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