I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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