A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
