Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize