my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
