I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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