why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
