Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
