i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize