eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
