I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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