I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
