People with herpes should wear stickers.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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