I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
