she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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