he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
