i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
