OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
