i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You were trust falling into bushes
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
