it hurts more in the daytime
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
