I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
