Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
