i was rollin on her like bob the builder
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
