I accidentally had phone sex last night
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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