she woke up with a sticky ear
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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