i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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