if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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