like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
