I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize