Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
