mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize