He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
