Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
