Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
